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sometimes you find it hard to focus. you’re mind thinks these thoughts that you have no words for, and it scares you because you don’t understand. how can you not understand your own mind?

here i stand, with no one to talk to- so here i am, talking to you. this private little blog where i let my secrets escape my mind.
Today i decided not to go to prom. you see, problems arise when your boyfriend is on base and you’re unsure if he’ll be able to visit that week or not. more problems arise when you have no money to buy tickets or a dress or shoes or anything else. I suppose in the end i’m not too upset about the situation. i planned not to go from the beginning.  it’s always a let down to get your hopes up for something unreasonable though. 

This last weekend i realized I no longer plan to go to college. this unlike prom is killing me. everyday my reckless behavior is taking control. i have nothing to hold on to and nothing to look forward to. i don’t care about much lately.

I need to get a job. The only jeans i own that fit me have ripped on my inner leg and the other pair have lost the button. i can’t afford new jeans. i can’t afford anything.

I’m afraid how much longer this relationship will last. that hurts.

i realize that this list of complaints won’t help me. i realize how negative it all sounds. there’s certain thoughts i need out of my mind though, and this seems to be my only way. 

it’s getting hard to sleep again. /:

everything in life is temporary. every item. every person. every feeling. 

i’m young and dream of absolute success. i cry at the thought of not currently having a job. I cry at the the idea of not being able to start college right away. it’s a sad excuse to why i’ve been so sad these last few days. i can’t help it though.